Tuesday, December 13, 2011

~ Keep Smiling.... ~

My absence from this blog is beginning to get embarrassing now! lol I was excited to start this blog and, among other things, find, communicate and supporting other people including individuals. I'm still planning on doing that with this blog. It's been a difficult Fall and early Winter. I've been sick several times (pneumonia now) and I had some family problems that needed attention but I've mostly been dealing with the effects of depression. The medication I was taking seems to have run its course. It took me a little while to realize what I was feeling. I don't like dealing with depression, it irritates me that I even have it. It's silly of me to feel this way because I'm totally supportive and understanding of other people I know coping with depression. But I tend to have very high expectations of myself which I can't often reach so I tend to be disappointed with myself frequently. How stupid is that?! lol I get annoyed with myself because, try as I might, I cannot conquer it on my own with meditation or the little bit of exercise I can do which probably isn't the kind that helps alleviate depression.. Some experts say that individuals with chronic pain often struggle with depression. Possibly that's why I have it. But I think that it also runs on my mother's side of the family explains, at least partly why I have it. No one in my mother's family has bothered to get some help - they'd rather go to bed for 5 days and pull the covers over their heads! Oy. What I think bothers me the most about being depressed is it often makes it difficult for me to get things done. It helps that I know the impact feeling depressed can have on me so I can try to counteract it.


The people I really admire are the people who are disabled or ill with some disease or other and yet they still appreciate life and look on the bright side of things. Everybody has bad days here and there but there are many people I've spoken to who appreciate their life and look forward to each day despite coping with health issues, chronic pain or a debilitating disease. There was a time when I looked at life this way, too. It seems, although, that as I've gotten older, things that happened during my childhood or when I was a little bit older are gnawing at me and upsetting me. It's as if the reality of life then has come to roost...but why now, I wonder? It's over and done with, there's nothing to be done about it now. It makes no sense to let things that happened in my family when I was much younger effect me now. Sure it might stink, maybe it's unfair but it is what it is. And that's also why having this depression bothers me...because I know life is what you make it and I saw many people I was related to make their life pretty miserable even while they had no major worries! I don't want to be like that. I like life and I enjoy people. But I've pulled away from everyone in my life in the last few years because of doubts about me, depression and insecurities over being disabled and ill. I'm trying to change that now. I really do believe, despite how I feel on any given day, in trying to make everyday the best. It isn't always as easy but I'm going to keep trying!!

Have a great day! And smile :o) !

7 comments:

Anna said...

I've struggled with depression in the past so I know how hard it can be to see life in the appropriate life. It sounds like you have a lot going on right now health-wise, so it's understandable that you're feeling down. Please know that if you ever want to chat, just shoot me an e-mail. ((HUGS))

Anna said...

in the appropriate light, i meant to say ;)

(Diane) Bibliophile By the Sea said...

Amy, I get down on myself as well when I have bouts of depression, and I really have no reason to be depressed (now). But a sad childhood in a dysfunctional family, often finds me dwelling on things that happened 45-50 years ago. How silly is that? I guess what I'm trying to say is that it is easier said than done sometimes to control our thoughts of the negative. Give those accepting kitties a big hug.

Wendy Bellerson said...

Thank you for sharing your story. I also suffer from depression and agree with you that you have to try and make everyday the best. There is a very helpful website, http://onlineceucredit.com/edu/social-work-ceus-dy, that offers a lot of information about treating depression. Hope this is helpful.

Amy said...

WENDY:
I apologize for such a long delay in replying to your comment. I appreciate you reading my blog post and commenting. It seems many people have visited this blog but haven't said anything! (I've been guilty of this, too!)

I'm sorry you understand depression but glad to read about your great attitude! Thank you for the website info. I'll be taking advantage of all it has to offer.

Hang in there and don't be a stranger :o)

Amy said...

ANNA: You commented on this second blog of mine months ago when I posted about depression. I am trying to get the blog up and going again although with a new name. I was going through my posts and comments and was surprised to see I hadn't replied to your comment here. I'm sorry about that.
I really appreciate you sharinmg your history with depression. It's hard to learn when someone you care about has experienced something painful but I would be lying if I didn't admit to being grateful that you understand how I feel.
I hope you don't deal with depression much anymore. I know just a few months ago you went through a difficult time. I hope you're feeling better now although I know pain from the death of a loved one doesn't just disappear.

My depression is 'in my blood' so to speak but also is a result of illness and chronic pain etc. etc. In some ways that makes it easier but it also makes me angry! lol
Thank you so much for your friendship, Anna :o)

Anna said...

No worries! You're right that losing my gram (along with some other stresses) triggered a recent bout with depression. I'd be lying if I said I still don't have issues. I probably should talk to a doctor about these cycles, but I did once and I didn't feel like I was being heard so it's hard to reach out like that again. For the most part, though, things are good, so you don't need to worry about me or anything.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if you want to chat about it or anything else. We can exchange emails, phone numbers, whatever. I'm there for you! ((HUGS))